Learning to write again

Okay, okay.  It's been awhile.  My husband has been cajoling me to start writing again or at least write a farewell note. In the past month about 10 people have asked why I'm not updating my blog, and so I'm going to take this as a sign that I need to write. That and the fact that I've been feeling that familiar itch again (writing that is).

I don't know where this is going, or if I want to continue my blog, but here goes for now...

Sunset on the Ohio River

This past year had really low lows and really high highs.  I know, I sound like one of those tv ads for  anti-depressants.  The year really tested my ability to see things as "glass half full". I just didn't always feel too happy to tell you the truth.

My mom's passing about 15 months ago affected me much more than I expected.  Preparing for her death was so different than preparing for life without her.  There is still a profound sadness at her not being here to share in daily life, and I miss the phone calls and the visits and the laughter.  And there are still tears when I least expect them.

Then there is the realization that I am an adult now responsible for all my own decisions without a parent to run things by. Crazy I know, at age 61. Then the other day I realized I didn't have a parent looking over my shoulder at how I was doing things.  And you know that lack of "critiquing" was a bit of a relief.  Recently I realized that I was no longer living to please my parents. That was a weird but liberating feeling.

Getting out for a walk

My sister had a tough year after being diagnosed with breast cancer in January.  More doctor visits than you care to count, a couple of surgeries, hospitalizations, tubes, stitches, infections, and the list goes on.  She handled it all pretty well and was quite pragmatic about taking all the steps necessary to get through it. She had a good support system of family and friends, and she was very smart to accept help from people.

I spent a lot of time with her after these surgeries, and I was so happy to be there for her.  I was fortunate to be retired and only a few hours away.  Because of my own battle with breast cancer 7 years ago, it felt like we were kindred spirits tackling this together.  In some ways it was very cathartic to help her, and in other ways all those painful memories from my past came crashing back like that rogue wave that knocks you over when you are aimlessly walking down the beach.  Just when you think those feelings are all worked out, you realize they aren't far from the surface.  Anyway, she is doing very well now with another surgery scheduled for next year. And she has a great positive attitude which is the best possible situation.

Lunch with Mike in Cinque Terre, Italy

And then we've had some memories that will last a lifetime.  Mike took a sabbatical from work, and we went to Tuscany for a couple of weeks. If I had a "bucket list", this would have been on it.  We spent a week touring Tuscany with our favorite American-Irish band, Switchback, and then we rented a car and drove into the mountains to research where Mike's family came from.  Though we didn't meet up with any relatives, we were able to find the small towns where his grandparents and great grandparents were born.

We simply loved Tuscany.  It was breathtakingly beautiful, and the people were warm and welcoming.  The food and wine were amazing, and we agree that if we ever had to leave this country, we are probably headed to Tuscany.  Ok, I know that probably sounds very weird, like we're going to be in the witness protection program or something.  No plans for that so don't jump to any conclusions if I don't continue with the blog...

No lack of mud on the Jeep Jamboree

We traveled to Pennsylvania for a Jeep Jamboree.  We spent a long weekend in the beautiful woods driving over coal roads and testing our Jeep and Mike's driving capabilities.  We all survived very well, thank you!

The Pacific Ocean

We also visited Portland, Oregon and soaked in the beauty of the countryside including the beach and Mt. Hood.  And then there was a family trip to Nashville, TN and several trips to Ohio for my nephew's graduation from The Ohio State University and my niece's wedding shower and wedding.

Brian and Allie

Family trip to Nashville

My hollow form ring

And we continue with jewelry classes which are a wonderful way to learn and keep the brain sharp.  Hours can fly by when I'm intently working on a jewelry creation.  I was fortunate to win best of show for the Jewelry and Metalsmithing section of the Student Art Show.  I think luck was on my side for that one!

So, a crazy year of ups and downs.  Weighed pretty heavy on me really.  Possibly it was so busy that I didn't have the time I needed to process things.  I don't do well when life is so busy that events propel me forward from one to the next.  I need down time and didn't always find much of that over the past year.

But you know I survived the year ok and am feeling more optimistic about what is ahead.  I recognize a need to write again-not sure what the medium is yet but that will work itself out over time.  In the meantime, thanks for being patient. Thanks for encouraging me. And thanks for reading.   Take Care, Diane

4 years cancer-free!

It's a subject I don't talk much about, but I am a breast cancer survivor.  As I told a friend yesterday, it doesn't define me, it's just something that happened to me.  I continue to travel to Des Moines annually for my mammogram, blood tests and appointment with my oncologist even though it's 450 miles away. I don't know, but there's something very comforting about the doctor who has seen you go through all of this.

So last week Mike and I trekked to Des Moines for this annual check up, and all is well!  No signs of cancer!  I don't think about cancer a lot, but when this appointment approaches each year, I start to get nervous.  And on the day of the appointment, I'm sure I'm holding my breath playing all the "what ifs" through in my mind.  And when the doctor says "the mammogram is fine", I start to breathe again.  If you or a loved one has been in this situation, I know you understand.




And I push cancer to the recesses of my mind for another year, or until some other health issue where my brain immediately goes to cancer.  I am getting used to this sub-process that continually goes through my brain.

Emily and Brian

The other good thing about the trip to Iowa is I get to hook up with my pals from working days.  It made for an action packed week, but it was so much fun to talk and laugh and catch up on life.


We visited with Brian, Emily and Maggie and got to meet the newest addition to the family, Brody.  They are very busy with two small children, but they still manage to have fun!

Maggie, Emily and Brody

Dinner with Kristi

I had a great dinner with my friend Kristi at a new restaurant in Ankeny.  We reminisced about our car-pooling days which seemed like yesterday (actually 3 years ago).  We talked for hours, and it seemed like I had never moved away.

I enjoyed a quick breakfast with Joyce, and we packed a lot of talking into a short hour.  And I lived vicariously with her upcoming travel to London, Spain and Morocco.

Mike, Gary and Joleen

Then it was on to drinks and dinner with Gary, Roby, Joleen and Randy.  We laughed and laughed about everything from jobs, to raising kids to Mike and I learning to live together 24x7.


And  we had breakfast with Ruth and caught up on her new summer job in a greenhouse.  She is having a blast working hard and learning lots of new gardening stuff.





I am reminded that everything continues to change.  My friends and their lives keep moving ahead, but I am comforted to know that our years of working and playing together is a common bond that doesn't go away with a few hundred miles...

And so we're back in Indy now.  June has arrived, bringing Mike's "summer vacation" and a clean slate of time.  I'm sure new adventures await...

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.  I appreciate your interest in my crazy life, and I welcome your comments any time!

Diane

Another view

on Breast Cancer Awareness month from a friend who shares the experience of being a breast cancer survivor.  We had a lively discussion over dinner last week, and I found out that she raises money for indigent women to get mammograms and cancer treatment  We agreed that October has become too commercialized with many retailers jumping on the pink bandwagon, but this doesn't really bother her because of the money being raised for prevention and a cure.  I also learned that she celebrates each year of being cancer free by adding a pink stone to a beautiful ribbon lapel pin.

After expressing my strong views last week, I thought it was important to describe another point of view.  I appreciate my friend's ability to look beyond herself and focus on helping other women deal with breast cancer.  She may be right in saying that "it's too close" for me.  With only three years since my own diagnosis, everything is still a bit fresh and painful.  Maybe like many other difficult situations, time heals...

Ok, definitely time to get past that subject.  On a lighter note...

Last week I decided to paint the guest bathroom.  With a Halloween party coming up this weekend, it seemed like a good idea.  Nothing like those self-imposed deadlines, huh?

Covering the lovely contractor off-white walls

I learned an important lesson here.  Know what color you want to paint a room before you start on a painting project.  Sounds like common sense now after I made 3 different trips to Sherwin-Williams to purchase sample quarts of different paint colors.  It's hard to be decisive when you don't know what you want.  Given my project management experience, I should know better.  Always know your requirements before building (or painting)!

Chaise mauve walls and silver framed mirror

Anyway, for less than $100 we changed the look of this room. In addition to paint, we removed the 48 inch square mirror over the sink and replaced it with a beautiful framed mirror from Home Goods.  Last year when remodeling my house in Des Moines, we learned how much changing a mirror can update a bathroom. Eventually we will replace the counter top and faucet, but for now we are quite happy with the results.

Eagles concert. Yes, we were in the nose bleed section.

We also enjoyed an amazing Eagles Concert on Friday night with friends Mel and Cathy. Between all the Eagles songs we know and love, the band members interspersed comments on the history of the group and what was happening at the time of a song.  The Eagles totally rocked Bankers Life Fieldhouse filled with baby boomers like us.  Ok, I did see one young person, but they missed the concert because they were texting the whole time...









And after a weeks long media circus about Peyton Manning's first trip back to Indy as the quarterback of the Denver Broncos, and an my own expectation that Andrew Luck and the Colts would be crushed, the Colts won!  The Colts dominated this very physical game, and I admit that I was glued to the TV set until after midnight watching the game.










And alas, cool weather has returned.  We've had frost the last 2 nights, and some local areas got snow.  Seriously? It's only October!  So I moved several plants inside and saved my pansies from frost by putting them on the front porch.




















So Mike's frantically putting the finishing touches on his costume, and I'm happy for a simple costume using clothes I already have.  And yes this is the most complicated costume Mike's ever built.  And yes he's slightly crazy!  I'll share pictures of our costumes after the big party this Saturday.

Hope you are enjoying this spooky season...

Diane

Getting this off my chest

so to speak...

I have a problem with Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Ok, there I said it.

When I told a friend in early 2010 that I had breast cancer, she responded that she knew I could beat cancer. She went on to say she knew that I would be leading a team in the Susan B. Komen walk in October. It was the beginning of my distaste for the commercialism that is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Another friend commented that I might want to visit the Susan B. Komen memorial in Peoria.  Seriously? "Breast cancer survivor" was a "club" I didn't want to belong to.

I understand the need for early detection. My stage one breast cancer was caught early during a routine annual digital mammogram when the radiologist detected a slight change from the previous year.  And I found out in the strangest way.

After a long day at work, I picked up a message on my home answering machine from some medical group wanting me to call them.  I wrote down the number and planned to call them in the morning thinking it was some wrong number.  Did you ever have one of those moments when you wake up in the middle of the night with startling clarity of a situation?  I literally sat up in bed and knew this phone message was bad news related to my mammogram.  Thus began a long journey called breast cancer.

And somehow all of the pink ribbons, pink t-shirts and annual walks kind of rub me the wrong way.  Every TV and print ad during October seems to talk about Breast Cancer Awareness.  I went to a Colts Football game earlier this month, and the players wore pink wrist bands.  Even the mascot was dressed in pink instead of blue.

But the clincher was Tuesday when I saw two men wearing "I love boobies" plastic bracelets.  First was the young guy at the bagel shop, and later that day when shopping for tires,  I noticed the tire shop manager wearing the same bracelet.  Later I researched this bracelet on the internet and learned that it originated at the Keep-A-Breast organization that is geared towards young people and focused on breast cancer prevention and detection. Seems that young people can relate to this "I love boobies" message, and it encourages open dialog about a previously off limits topic: breast health. I am sure it is a well-meaning and valuable organization,  but somehow this message doesn't seem quite right.

I am now 3 years cancer free, and yet hearing I had breast cancer remains one of the most defining moments in my life.  From learning to live with the scars to lymph nodes that swell with a cold to shirts that hang lop sided, and daily hot flashes from a prevention drug, I face this reality every day.

But this experience has also been invaluable to understanding what is truly important in my life.  I finally understood that moving to the same city to live with my husband was more important than living 500 miles apart for my job.  I learned that life is finite,  and I need to focus more on the important people in my life.  I am learning to "go with the flow" and let go of the small stuff that used to bug me.

But really, I don't want to be reminded of breast cancer each October.  I don't want to be part of the cause du 'jour.  I absolutely respect the need for education and ongoing research into the cause and cure for breast cancer.  I just wish we could find a way to do this without wearing pink and bracelets like a badge of honor.  I don't need to be reminded of breast health by the young man at the bagel shop wearing the bracelet "I Love Boobies".  Somehow this just hits me the wrong way...


Diane